The Cleikum Club Review

The Cleikum Club: 'The Future of Risk' 1st December 2011

2012-01-09T04:34:00.000-08:00

The second and final meeting of 2011 of The Cleikum Club took place on December 1^st with the topic of debate ‘The Future of Risk’. Living dangerously from one detail to the next – from the menu to the tight seating, as the Cleikum Club saw its most eagerly anticipated and crowded meeting to date. Mr Neil Butler, co host of the Cleikum Club, kicked off proceedings with a rousing introduction to everyone and acquainting first-time members to the legendry ‘Museum of Cleikum’ – the hat of Cleikum appearing to be a health and safety officer’s dream with it’s perilous points – one and all agreed to take the risk and get on with the meeting!

Neil brandishing The Hat of Cleikum

Neil also set the challenge of asking members to identify the risk involved in the specially tailored menu for this evening – which incorporated elements from Meg Dod’s own cookbook entitled ‘The Cook and housewives’ Manual’ aswell as the usual inspired cooking ideas from the Stravaigin chefs.

And so on with the debate and the first speaker of the evening is Mr Robin Hoyle Director of Science at Glasgow Science Centre. Robin applied the science of risk to his argument identifying that various world issues like the mining of titanium in the Congolese jungle as well as other political, social and economic factors around the globe all conspire for risk to all our futures. The definition of risk incorporates the thinking that it is the exposure to the possibility of loss and unwelcome circumstances. Where in the past people may have looked to great philosophers to understand the concept – what happens now is science is used to understand and make sense of risk. We must move into an age of reason not unreason and use science to put our minds at ease. What Robin identified was that risk is all around us and we must use science to reconcile this. A prominent example he used was the risk indentified in the MMR vaccine – does the risk outweigh the benefits? But what is important to remember is that science can go a long way but cannot wholly comprehend the whole of risk. Robin’s own experience comes from the exposure to teaching children about science and an inseparable aspect of this is the understanding of risk and how science can be used to reconcile it through rationalisation. Education enables children to deal with the risks involved in life and gives them the tools to effectively rationalise and navigate through it. It is imperative that we teach children to be effective contributors to society and, in doing so, aids their skill in navigating risk and achieving the best possible outcome.

On to the first course of the risky menu and Mr Butler leaves us pondering – what’s the risk in having Stag’s Heid Broth? All will be revealed.

Graeme Jackson is next to address the crowd as he is introduced as a great thinker, artist and performer. Each member of the expectant crowd is presented with a simple egg in an egg cup – with the strict instructions ‘DO NOT TOUCH THE EGG’. And after this strict instruction has been repeated several, several times – it is revealed that the egg in front of each person may or may not be an ordinary egg and so everyone will be taking part in this experiment of risk.

Graeme examines the fact that risk can be applied in the context of consequence and asks if risk can be manipulated in order to change the outcome. He goes on to look at risk in general terms and uses the 17^th Century philosopher Pascal and his theory of God as an example. Pascal argued that since the existence of God cannot be proved – there is potentially much more to be gained by assuming he does exist than not. And so he argued that as the benefits of believing in God’s existence outweigh the risks of not – one should wager that God does exist and live accordingly. This way of thinking parallels Robin Hoyle’s argument but in a philosophical sense as opposed to a scientific one. What Graeme instils is the overarching aspect of risk where consequence has to be weighed up against chance and through this rationalisation; reasoned persons can more accurately calculate risk. Returning to the mysterious eggs sitting in front of each member of the expectant audience, Graeme goes on to explain this social experiment of high risk and, not only that, but the concept of forcing your will on to others in the room. There is one rotten egg out of the fifty in the room (the rotten egg having been sat in Graeme’s airing cupboard since August when he first came up with the idea) and another couple of eggs where the centre has been removed and money has been put in its place. And so this social experiment not only examines the way in which the audience will weigh up and calculate the likelihood of them getting the rotten egg but also how they will impose their will on other people as the cracking of the rotten egg would cause much discomfort for the rest of the room as one can only imagine! As the cracking commences, certainly the majority of the audience participates – perhaps throwing caution to the wind, perhaps as a result of a carefully calculated system of probabilities – either way, Allan Brown is overheard to say ‘I’m not willing to take a risk!’.

Maria appears somewhat apprehensive

As the cracking continues – it is our first speaker Robin who is the lucky bearer of the rotten egg – but luckily for everyone in the room it has thoughtfully been filled with engine oil rather than it’s original organic entity. A couple of lucky members also received a chocolate egg in one and money in another. As the cracking continues post presentation – it is clear these audience members have calculated their risk factor as zero now that the rotten egg has been discovered. An unpredictable aspect of this presentation was the tucking in of several participants to their soft boiled eggs without any prompting – a little risky in this reviewer’s opinion, after all, they were merely props. Oh well – you have to live on the edge sometimes! As Graeme’s presentation comes to a close we move on to our next course of bannocks and brawn; guess the risk involved here!

Post brawn – our third speaker of the evening Angie, quite literally, takes the floor. Completely encased in white, elasticised fabric, Angie enters the meeting room writhing and contorting across the floor to a haunting soundtrack of heavy breathing. As the anonymous figure moves around the room she gently leers and caresses stunned onlookers. Now, as no person is losing their focus of the examination of risk – I’m sure many noted the proximity the white sheet came to knocking over wine glasses from nearby tables, after all, it was a very tight space. However, this was not the primary focus of the performance and as the music reached crescendo, it culminated in a huge farting noise as the white sheet squealed embarrassment and shrunk away behind the curtains followed by a rapturous round of applause.

Neil Butler raps up our third speaker’s performance as he states that the benefits of her example clearly outweigh the risks. Otherwise – would she have done it? Or would she have done it regardless? Or perhaps her tried and tested performance, although new to this audience, is a clear winner. Either way – a veritable success and as the audience is left wondering, what was it all for? And, in essence, isn’t that what risk is all about?

On to the next course which is pheasant – doesn’t sound too risky – or does it?

Bob Hannah

Bob Hannah is our fourth and final speaker. The crowd are getting rowdy now and Mr Butler intervenes to introduce Mr Hannah as he points out it’s always risky to be the one that speaks at the end of the evening. Undeterred, Bob begins his debate by explaining the ridiculous prospect of someone from the insurance business coming to talk to a group about the future of risk as – it’s the same as it’s always been!

1700 people in Britain die everyday and they always will – some of them taking risks and others not and so the work of the insurance broker is to weigh up and calculate risk as far as humanly possible. Bob beautifully illustrates his point by telling the story of himself as a young, enthusiastic insurance man. He found himself at a rented property in Glasgow being asked to provide an insurance quote for a budding massage and aromatherapy business. Being shown into a living room area, Bob is ushered to the couch sandwiched between two of the ‘aromatherapists’ on staff. It quickly became clear that these were no ordinary aromatherapists as he mused why such a discipline would require the use of sunken baths he realised that this was not, in fact, a massage parlour – but a brothel. ‘I have never insured a brothel’ Bob states and the audience duly accepts his proclamation. And so on with the tale. He mentions to the mistress that she may want to consider liability cover in case a careless client should accidentally spill some aromatherapy oil on the floor and slip – he or she may want to sue – one should be prepared for any eventuality. As Bob completes his quote covering as many avenues of possibility for risk in the brothel, he feels he has merely scratched the surface as there is only so much risk that can be accounted for in such a profession. To top off his eventful afternoon – Bob is offered a coffee and cream for his trouble – luckily he’d already had a cup of tea. What is exemplified in Bob’s argument is the concept of the future of risk being about human behaviour and how we manage it. There are no certainties in life but human nature is to understand the future of risk and we’re getting better at it. His brothel story is a triumph of risk management and liability insurance and if we can figure out that risk is all part of human nature – we can try and ameliorate it.

On to the final course of pear tatin with blue cheese ice cream – an obvious risk?

Post dessert, coffee and wine top-ups the floor is opened up for full audience participation with the welcome return of Tam Shields to the microphone and as various other debates and conversations carry on throughout the room, thoughts turn to the next Cleikum Club meeting and other possible areas of discussion. As suggestions and arguments are batted about, Mr Butler wraps up this month’s meeting pointing out that risk is both exceptional and everyday and the members of the club have gone to great lengths to define and reconcile the concept. Speakers talked of risks in society, business, art, life and just crossing the road and the group is reminded of the still-present risk to the human race with the observance of national HIV awareness day.

And with that – everyone is left to talk amongst their selves risking their opinions, their likeability and their livers!

Not forgetting the integral part of the evening – the food – a menu tailored around the subject of debate – the following assessment analyses the risk aspect of each dish

Menu Risk Assessment

Stag’s Heid broth – ideally, this dish would have been sheep’s heid broth but

because of the BSE crisis the original idea had to be tweaked.

Bannocks and Brawn – brawn contains pig head, trotters, ear and many other tasty and unusual bits and pieces.

Pheasant – in this context it was merely a risk for the pheasant himself

Pear tatin with blue cheese ice cream – ah how the tables have turned from the main course as now it is the consumers taking the risk instead of the dish itself.

Once again, another successful meeting with arguments reconciled and everyone a little wiser on the subject of the future of risk. All are looking forward to the next meeting in February 2012 with the illuminating topic ‘What is Scots?’. We hope to see you there.

King Creosote & Laura Hird - Where and When

2011-10-31T09:04:00.000-07:00

A musical rediscovery and remembrance at just how fantastic this album still is. A brilliant collaboration of literary and lyrical Scottish talent with this track being a personal favourite.

2011-10-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

After months of preparation The Cleikum Club finally reconvened after over a 200 year absence. Come on in the polymaths, entrepreneurs, free thinkers, iconoclasts and the passionate - and come they did.. Many of the organiser's fears were alleviated within the first half hour of congress - for what was first, unfortunately, perceived as being a terribly high-brow event (as much as we tried to avoid it) quickly descended to a decidedly low-brow and, therefore, hugely charming and entertaining affair. Topics ranging from the preservation of the Scottish vernacular, bees, baws, poets and stockings – the nichts festivities were sure to be gallus. The evening was a huge success punctuated by banter and back chat, table banging and impromptu singing (thank you Tom Shields for Johnnie Scobie’s ‘Doon the Broomielaw’) and everyone left meat-like an claith-like!

After a braw introduction from one of the founding members and our compère for the evening Neil Butler who also introduced our hostess Carol Wright, one of the first orders of business was the unveiling of a ‘Museum of Cleikum' artefact 'The Horn of Cleikum' - an original, ancient relic found on the very site of the old Cleikum Inn in Peebles. Legend has it that this is the very antiquity that Sir Walter Scott himself used at the club. Many comments were made regarding not only it's provenance but also it's good condition after all this time - it obviously has the club's gift of longevity and substance and its heritage should not be questioned!

The Horn of Cleikum

Neil Butler

Carol Wright

Tam Shields ''a man as old as The Horn of Cleikum''

Enlightening and knackie should be used to describe Tam's wee donner (no - not the kebab) round the Scottish vernacular, if not least for his lack of technological skills which found him being able to operate the microphone correctly after10 minutes of speaking. Observations were made that Glasgow's use of language has an 'in yer coupin' kind of quality about it with the word 'pal', despite its connotations is, quite frankly, more often than not - not a friendly term in the colloquial. Tam's reference to the more grammatical side of the Scots language was punctuated by the ubiquitous use of the typically Scottish double positive statement ''aye - right'' is, in fact, a double negative. Now don't get me wrong here - what was put toward the Club was not a language lesson - more of a social commentary on the usage, the effect, the importance and the identity that forms and goes hand in hand with having a vernacular language and how the Glaswegians in particular take ownership of it. The most important message to be gleaned from Tam's words was that the Glasgow patter should be preserved and not left to fade away by ''gi'en it laldy'' (no again - not the supermarket)

Tam Shields

Michael The Beekeeper/Publican

After a brief interlude where the members enjoyed the first of their food courses, the night proceeded with Michael - self confessed, part-time bee-botherer and publican - not that the two professions are linked in any way. The question 'What is Glasgow?' in terms of the bee population? Well, one could argue it has the potential to be a bee haven. Michael spoke of the work which is needed to protect the declining bee numbers. If you have a flat roof, a bit of outdoor space, a back close - why haven't you got a bee-hive? Urban bee-keeping is what is going to save the bee population - 50% of which has declined in only 15 years. Michael put it bluntly when he said ''bees pollinate 30% of all the food in the world - and am a publican who sells an awfae lot a Magners''. Now if that's a statement that doesn't define Glasgow I don't know what is! Michael's words very gratefully received by the Club and an overwhelming number of people have now pledged their support to the organisation by offering their free space to keep a hive of their own - and - as Michael put it ''the bees wullnae bother you - they jist wannae dae bee stuff''. For more information about what you can do to help please visit www.johnnysgarden.co.uk

Michael 'Bee Man'

Peter - Artist/Intellect/Irishman

After being thoroughly fed and watered by Stravaigin by this point - the alcoholic lubrication of tongues means it is difficult for our compère Mr Butler to get the members' attention - even with the aid of The Horn of Cleikum. Once order has been restored we come to our second-last speaker who has also given up on the use of the podium made from Sri Lankan wood bathed in the sea of Cleikum and decides on a wholly more energetic canvassing of the room in his quest to answer the question 'What is Glasgow?'. He also states that ''what is said in The Cleikum Club stays in The Cleikum Club'' - I keep my fingers crossed and only partly promise to abide by these rules. Peter is at the tipping point of having lived in Glasgow for longer than he resided in his birthplace and so he has decided to mark the occasion by explaining Glasgow in his experience as an artist. Peter's point was that we imagine Glasgow, we reinvent it and re-imagine it every day - ''the city doesn't exist until you're in it''. In Peter's experience you can make Glasgow what you want it to be and he illustrated his point by regaling the audience with the tale of his first day in Glasgow when he managed to hustle the keys to the old Classic Cinema building in Renfield Street and over the next two days managed to secure monetary funding for his project. A city of possibilities and potential he reaches his crescendo by reading an extract of 'A City' by archetypal Glasgow poet Edwin Morgan.

What was all that then? - What? - That - That was Glasgow.
It's a film, an epic, lasts for, anyway
keep watching, it's not real, so everything is melting at the edges and could go

One more speaker to go and the spirit of Scotland and Glasgow is alive in every person in the room.

Peter - fete accompli

Marion Samson

Last but not least came the turn of the wuman speaker with the apt introduction from Mr Colin Clydesdale as ‘the wee blonde burd wi’ the big baws’. And this was the exact subject of her address. Born and raised in Drumchapel, Marion, in her own words ‘didn’y huv a chip on [her] shooder but two bags a totties on each’. But, even as a ‘schemie wain’, managed to ‘stay defiant in a man’s world’ riding the corporate buses in the ‘80s to get to her office job where women weren’t allowed to wear trousers and had to sport tights or stockings. Marion, and others, flourished in Glasgow at a time where people wanted to make a difference. There was an air of defiance throughout the country – poll tax marches and the like proved that Glaswegians aw ‘had baws’ at this point in time. Further to this, Glasgow seemed to be a place of change and equality and one of cultural renaissance – it had already hosted the Garden Festival in 1988 and, in 1990, went on to become the European City of Culture. Marion’s words drew fantastic parallels between the development and amelioration of Glasgow as a city and her as a person. The city of her youth showed and allowed her to ‘huv big baws’ and, therefore, to succeed. Glasgow is a lot of things but, according to Marion, it’s a tool, a learning curve, a teaching aid to life and, its heritage allows you to be the gutsy, audacious person you need to be to get on in this life. Thank you Glasgow!

And so the evening draws to a close and the question ‘What is Glasgow’ had been argued, agreed with, bickered with again, then reconciled, then quarrelled with again. One thing was agreed though – it’s bloody gallus – and if that’s not enlightenment thinking then I don’t know what is. A special mention should be made here about the exceptional food enjoyed at this very special night from the wonderful chefs at Stravaigin (who on that very day of The Cleikum Club’s first meeting won the highly acclaimed Bib Gourmand award from the Michelin Guide) and the fantastic drink kindly purveyed from Alliance Wine.

With every member having ganged thegither with the food, wine, whisky and each other – as life-long acquaintances have been formed and the rain lashin’ outside – why not wan more wee dram eh?

Be a part of the next Cleikum Club on December 1st at Stravaigin, Gibson Street. The topic will be 'The Future of Risk'. If you have any wee opinions, passions or yarns tae weave about it call 0141 334 2665 to get involved.

2011-10-10T09:57:00.001-07:00

The Cleikum Review is being written right at this very moment and will be available to view soon