The Cleikum Club Blog Review  

Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll. 

October 2012-February 2013

Welcome back to the Cleikum Club Blog. After a short sabbatical, the review had returned with a special edition encompassing all three of our meetings concerning Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll taking place in October and December 2012 and February 2013 respectively. As we found the three distinct topics offered a myriad of confessions as well as conflict from a range of presenters over the six months, there is no doubt of their inexorable link to one another not least through the mantra of our maharishi for the season - Ian Drury. As has become the way of things – each meeting was a sell-out (sometimes over-sold!) success as The Cleikum Club saw over 150 members attending between October and February – it seemed to keep plenty of Glaswegians warm over the cold West of Scotland winter.

SEX 4.10.12

Let’s go way back to October of last year which saw the inaugural meeting of the winter season commence after a summer break with the auspicious subject of sex. Needless to quote the age-old adage about it selling, this meeting saw the largest audience to date with the basement restaurant of Stravaigin heaving at over 55 members in attendance. Another first was the commencement of the meeting taking place in the busy bar area as, at 7.15pm sharp, out of nowhere appeared a flamenco dancer moving her way through the crowd as passionate Spanish music thrummed around the pub. As quickly as she appeared she was gone again as the performance signified a subtle nod to the presence of the Cleikum Club downstairs.

Angie Dight

 The traditional introduction from our Master of Ceremonies Neil Butler saw him introduce Ian Drury’s mantra, discuss the changing perception of what was once considered radical and now thought of as banal and provide a brand new artefact for the Museum of Cleikum. The Wynd of Cleikum, apparently, contained a massive fart and would be the mascot of the subsequent meetings.

After the opening of the meeting and the first sexily delicious course of oysters is consumed, Dr Kevin O’Dell takes the floorto explore the world of drosophila melanogaster. One gets a strong sense of the interactive as the good Doctor begins to pass round vials of what turns out to be dozens of fruit flies. The fascinating specimens make their way round all of the tables and, after the initial buzz (pun fully intended) everyone calms down and Kevin begins. We are told that fruit flies share around 70% of their genes with humans and so make fantastic organisms to work with and research.He carefully explains their mating habits which have been studied in depth for a long time and, as a result, we know a huge amount about. Kevin explains the male fruit fly’s leaning to promiscuity, that’s if the female lets him. It’s quite simple – the males have a target, they sing a song and a chase ensues. If the female stops moving, the male will mate with her only if she decides its ok. The ritual will last for around twenty minutes which, considering as fruit fly’s life cycle shows an impressive amount of stamina on the side of the male fly! Kevin goes on to explain that observation has found that male flies are really quite stupid. As they rely mostly on smell, experiments have been conducted which involve applying the pheromone scent from female flies to small discs of paper and when these are placed in proximity to a male fly, they assume it is a female. Further fascinating fly facts are delivered including their rather extraordinary sperm. They gave an average length of 50 micro metres where a human sperm has one of 2mm – to put this in perspective – it would be the same as a human having sperm 12 feet long. And on that bombshell, it’s time to move on to the next seductive course.

Kevin O'Dell

Resuming the speeches after a short interlude, we have Lindsay Thomson, lecturer in medieval history at the University of Glasgow. To bring yet another aspect of the sex debate to the table, Lindsay is going to address the concept of controlling sex and ideas of sex from ancient Greece and Rome. To kick off proceedings, the audience is introduced to some interesting ideas about the differences between men and women according to Greek and Roman society.  Aristotle preached that a woman’s body was basically a mans that hadn’t heated up to the right temperature. According to the Greeks, the perfect bodily form is male and that the only difference between the two genders was the temperature of the

body.

Moving on to the medieval era, medicine at this time stated that menstruation was seen as a cure for many ailments. As it was understood that the male equivalent of this monthly bleeding was their sperm, it was deemed necessary for men to endure vigorous sex in order to relieve their complaints.

As ridiculous as these concepts seem now, it is fair to say the audience understand where they were coming from to reach these conclusions. What follows is the more outlandish conviction of the superstitions surrounding the (mostly) dreaded menstruating woman in society. There is a long list that has been compiled over the years as Lindsay illustrates, these include

Ø  Having sex with a menstruating women while there is an eclipse has noxious effects and can prove fatal

Ø  Bees forsake their hives

Ø  Linen boiling in a cauldron will turn black if touched by a menstruating woman

Ø  Dogs will go rabid

Ø  Mares will  miscarry

Ø  Pregnant women will abort

And after all that the cons definitely outweigh the pros of having a menstruating woman around with one of the few benefits being that if she strips naked and walks around a field ‘all bugs and vermin will fall from the corn.’Even up to the 1920s, physicians believed that women emitted a toxin whilst menstruating that actually turned milk sour and stopped bread from rising. All these misgivings surrounding ‘bleeding women’ are not only cross cultural taboos but, demonstrate the sheer longevity of these superstitions that come down to the idea that it is something that men can’t understand and, therefore, is dangerous. The Greco-Romans knew it had to do with fertility and securing succession and so in this sense, they tried to control sex through the eating the right things and medicating the four humors.

Lindsay Thomson

Our resident bawdy singer Alistair Ogilvy next takes the floor with a rousing rendition of Robert Burns’ classic song ‘9 Inches Pleases a Lady’. I doubt a more appropriate song could be suggested for the proceedings and the audience have worked up an appetite for their salmon breast as the spectacular main courses are served.

Alistair Ogilvy

A Breast of Salmon

As the sexual tension around the tables intensifies, our last speaker of the evening takes the floor. Graham Tydeman, also known as the quintessential polymath (Neil Butler’s words) is back for another go at enthralling the crowd with his own brand of obstetrician humour.  Dr Tydeman’s first announcement to the expectant audience is the promise that ‘everyone in the room will have sex by the end of the night – in the metaphorical sense’ (like they needed anymore encouragement!). In fact Graham’s presentation seems to represent sex in it’s most traditional sense as he wants to discuss sexual reproductions as opposed to gender definition and that of fruit flies. He explains first of all,that the urge to reproduce is something which is a defining characteristic of a living thing. It is embedded in our DNA to protect our young and preserve the youth and this is the proof that we are a higher order species. He goes further to describe the force of nature and evolution by recounting the ‘Red Queen Hypothesis’ acting as a great biological analogy. In Alice in Wonderland, Alice and the Queen are having a running race and Alice states the winner is the one to reach somewhere first whereas the Queen states that in fact, inthis world, you must run to keep still! In relation to evolutionary practise, when creatures first emerged from the swamps, humankind had to constantly keep evolving in order to maintain their position at the top of the food chain. As a species you had to be constantly changing and evolving. It is this basic instinct that creates the urge to reproduce.

Graham Tydeman

Table Sex

Now Dr Tydeman gets down to the real nitty gritty of his presentation – the drinking game. Each person has two vials (well, actually they are urine test tubes – new urine test tubes that it) in front of them both with a small amount of liquid in them. One represents the dominant gene (the spirit) and the other, the recessive gene (the mixer).  Graham points out that if you pursue asexual reproduction, i.e, just mixing your two genes then it’s a bit boring. Really what you want to do is get a bit messy and swap about with other people. It is pointed out that the ones to stick with the recessive genes will have an average drink but the ones who swap for purely dominant genes will have an outstanding drink!  And so much hilarity ensues as the room descends into utter vulgarity (not for the first time this evening) and <metaphorical> sex is being had everywhere one looks.  There are many colourful concoctions produced – not unlike real intercourse in fact – but the real lesson learned here that not all results of sex are as tasty as others!

More Genes

Strong Genes

We finish the evening of debauchery with a positively slutty dessert and one final rambunctious performance from Alistair Ogilvy complete with full support of the audience. Everyone is spent – now it’s time for the drugs….

DRUGS 06.12.12

The Cleikum Club returned in early December with the second instalment in Ian Drury’s trilogy. In a departure from the norm, we have a guest presenter this evening. Former speaker Ian Smith is our right honourable compere tonight and he kicks off by drawing the packed room’s attention to the auspicious artefacts in front of everyone. Each person has a chilled bottle of hemp beer in front of them as well as some curious looking chocolates containing a type of acid. Both are designed to heighten the experience of the evening so all are encouraged to consume them to start the evening with a bang. Add to this the first course of ‘Magic’ mushroom veloute and the audience seems suitably addled to welcome the first speaker.

Lindsay Hogg works for a charity called Sense about Science which has started the ‘Ask for Evidence’ campaign that aims to help people make sense of the policy of drugs and pushes for an evidence based approach to drugs procedure. Lindsay states that over half of the people consulted in a survey thought that current drug policies were ineffective as they focus on drug abuse purely as a crime issue without analysing other factors.

Ms Hogg makes reference to the case of Professor Nutt who was sacked as the chair of the ACMB in 2009 after comments he made about the effects of illegal drugs being less than those of tobacco and alcohol. Although he stated all drugs are harmful, he asked the public to put it into context of other harmful activities that people partake in. The well known statistic that lives on from this scandal was  that 100 people die each year from horse riding compared to 30 deaths a year  linked to ecstasy.  

Lindsay goes on to cite a drug policy case study. She explains that in the 1980s when ecstasy was emerging, a lot of young men died from dehydration after taking the drug.  Clubs decided to tackle this by providing plenty of free water so dehydration was avoided. Unfortunately this was misconceived by the public as they thought that consuming plenty of water counteracted the effects of the drug. This belief was a fatal mistake for Leah Betts who died after consuming about 7 pints of water in a 90minute period after taking ecstasy and starting to feel ill. The extensive media coverage of Leah’s death in the 90’s led to another policy change which encouraged ravers to drink 1 pint of water every hour thus trying to reducing the harms of the drug. Legislation changed yet again and clubs began to be prosecuted for knowingly having drugs on the premises. This led to them not providing water so easily and taking away chill-out zones so drug takers could recover. This led to increased deaths once again so one can see how policy can have a real affect on the harm of drugs and, therefore, statistics. Another prime example of this more recently has been the criminalisation of drugs like methadrone which has led to extremely impure versions of it for sale on the streets increasing the harms.

Lindsay’s point overall is that more money needs to be spent in the evaluation of policies so they work best for all involved. If this is done effectively, it has been proven to reduce drug harms. In the mean time, Sense about Science gives people the tools to be able to weigh up the evidence for themselves and their latest campaign ‘Ask For Evidence’ goes a long way to support that.

Our resident singer and all round entertainer Alistair Ogilvy is up next with an extremely apt rendition of Jefferson Aeroplane’s classic ‘White Rabbit’.  Clearly suffering from the munchies, the audience devours the next course of potted poppy crab and welcomes the next speaker to the stage.

David Graham Scott is a documentary film maker, ex-heroin addict and proponent of the use of ibogaine in the treatment of drug addicts. He tells us how in 2003 he turned his life around and chose a strange but effective method of detoxing after being a heroin then methadone addict for a number of years. Scott’s story was the subject of a BBC documentary called Detox or Die (which is still available to view online at http://vimeo.com/25291673 ) which received critical acclaim and showed a sometimes distressing yet highly personal  journey with  an ultimately positive outcome. David now presents to the audience a single capsule of ibogaine from his coat pocket and goes into details of its history, properties and effects. Originating in Central West Africa from a shrub called tabernanthe iboga which has been used for centuries by the Bwiti religion in coming of age ceremonies for young men of the tribe. They take vast quantities of it to go into dissociative, psychedelic states to speak to spirit ancestors.  David describes his own experience of the controversial treatment which included intense and prolonged hallucinations but 36 hours later he was all but cured of the symptoms usually associated with methodone withdrawal as he states that ibogaine truly ended his addiction. Scott receives a lot of praise from various people about the documentary and how it has helped them through their own battle with addiction and the many testimonials received have led him to produce a follow up film - ‘Iboga Nights’ eight years  after ‘Detox or Die’. Scott counts himself amongst the growing number of advocates of the use of psychedelic substances in the treatment of addiction and, with monitoring, states they can be exceptionally healing substances. For further information please consult David Graham Scott’s website www.davidgrahamscott.com

Moving on to yet more stimulating food, the coffee rubbed brisket with hash browns goes further to addling the audience in preparation for the final speaker of the evening. Professor Judith Pratt of the University of Strathclyde takes the stage to address the audience on how drugs affected the music and lyrics of the Beatles. Judy begins by giving the audience a crash course in how drugs affect the brain. The brain contains reward pathways that are arranged in regions in the brain and work together. One of the important chemical messengers which acts on receptors in the brain is called dopamine. Many drugs that are taken hijack these natural reward pathways and heighten the experience of taking the drug. After this, people tend to repeat the experience and become addicts.

Back to the Beatles, Professor Pratt mentions the rumour that it was the one and only Bob Dylan that got the Beatles into marijuana in the first place (‘He’s got a lot to answer for!’ is heard muttered from the direction of the audience!) but what is undoubtable is the influence that weed had on the music of the Revolver and Rubber Soul albums of the mid 60’s. Judy practices her evidence based approach and plays a snippet of ‘Girl’ which has the obvious sound of a joint being inhaled obviously invoking the influence of marijuana. ‘Got to get you into my life’ is also played and we are told the original story that it was written for a girlfriend of Paul McCartney’s but it was later disclosed that in fact it was his ode to cannabis. Marijuana, we are told, promotes dopamine levels and it has been recently discovered that there is  a protein in the human brain which actually recognises the presence of cannabis. There is also a naturally occurring substance in our brains called ‘eternal bliss’ which acts on this cannabis receptor. What is deduced is that there is a natural marijuana system already in place in our brains and what happens when we take the external drug is that it hooks into this already existing system.

Moving into the psychedelic era, the mention of ‘Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds’ is unavoidable but other songs with a less well known drug-related analogy include ‘She said, she said’ and ‘Tomorrow never knows’. Of the first song, the story goes that Lennon was once on a very intense acid trip with the actor Peter Fonda who spent the whole time screaming ‘I know what it’s like to be dead!’. And of the second, Lennon proclaimed to his manager that he wanted to ‘sound like the Dalai Lama screaming from the mountains.’ Judy explains that LSD is a very interesting drug. It completely alters that way we see the world and because of this it is known to be used in religious and rites of passage ceremonies around the world. Unlike other drugs, it doesn’t work on the dopamine system but on the serotonin levels.

What Judy points out is the audience’s reaction to the music being played. It is abundantly clear how much music can rehash people’s memories and remind them of being in a certain place at a certain time.  It is unarguable how much it can stimulate memories and create a lot of happiness.  

Judy’s closing statements reconfirm just how influential drugs were over the music produced by the Beatles among other factors. It is fair to say that these creative masterpieces wouldn’t have happened without them so, in this case, you can’t deny that the drugs worked!

The evening closes with another drug-fuelled masterpiece from Alistair and his accompanist Jeana. Even with the somewhat dour subject of alcohol and domestic abuse, the troops are successfully rallied in to joining in the rapturous chorus of ‘Mickey’s Warning’. ‘So I'll go and I'll get blue bleezin blind drunk, just to give Mickey a warning. And then just for spite, I'll stay out all night, and come rolling home drunk in the morning’

Rock ‘n’ Roll 7.2.13

The third and final installment of the epic trilogy endeavoring to answer all of life’s questions posed to us by Ian Drury sees it’s culmination in rock ‘n’ roll in the first meeting of 2013. Neil Butler has returned as host for the night and gets off to a great start by brandishing the axe of Cleikum in a way  Jimi Hendrix could only attempt to replicate. He takes us on his own personal rock ‘n’ roll journey through the genres. His influence from the punk era saw him start his own band in college called the ‘New Rotics’. As the new romantics took off they changed their name to ‘Extremists in an Igloo’ and moving into the more sophisticated art rock era he re branded yet again to ‘Screaming Sirens in Search of Utopia’. So on that bombshell – the first course of an Elvis Burger is served….

Elvis' Burger

The first speaker of the night is introduced as Ewan Macleod – managing director of Scotland’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame, a really really bad drummer and all round music aficionado. His passion for music seems only to be topped by his outrage at the British schooling system who still insists on giving children the recorder to play as a so-called stimulus for musical creativity. An even more ludicrous option for the less gifted children, we are told, is the ruler – and not in a corporal punishment sense, the ‘air-recorder’ as it’s known has successfully made one of the dullest instruments even duller. Moving on from the education system – Mr Macleod would like to prove to the audience the influence that the Islamic call to prayer had on the blues. First – an education in the definition of rock ‘n’ roll. A very quick snippet of Elvis’s ‘Blue Suede Shoes’ is played and this, ladies and gentlemen, is rock ‘n’roll or, white, electric blues. The opposite of this being black, acoustic blues with the example of ‘Dust my Broom’ by Robert Johnson is exactly what Elvis’s inspiration came from. And so the first link is made as the King got his ideas from black, acoustic rock. A question is posed – who were the first people to sing the blues? Answer – slaves on the chain gangs.  There were two kinds of slaves – ones with religion and ones without and if you were a slave without religion, you were going to sing blues music instead of gospel music. What Ewan goes on to explain is the fact that most slaves came from North Africa which is the country of origin of the traditional pentatonic scale which was developed in the Middle East. So if you take the standard blues four, inflect the vocal at the end (which devotional singing does) and put it back to the traditional pentatonic scale, you get the adhan – it is just a question of scales. And so the link is made – white rock ‘n’roll music came from the devotional singing of the muezzin in Northern Africa.  And on that bombshell that no-one can argue with, the next course is served as there is much to be discussed at each table!

Ewan MacLeod

Really bad drummer

An exceptionally fervent introduction for our next speaker is given by Mr Butler as we are told about a lady who was in charge of the Queen’s jubilee celebrations, performance director of Disneyland Paris and responsible for various street theatre events by Conflux. Hilary Westlake has had many rock ‘n’ roll moments in her life and here are just a few of them….

v  Being approached by the double bass player of a band while her and her friend were collecting glasses in a pub in exchange for scrumpy. He promised to ‘show them a good time in London’ so off they went. Innocently, they agreed to be photographed in a pair of baby doll pyjamas for the grand sum of £5 each. Only when they emerged from the swimming pool and saw that the garments in question had gone completely see through did they realise why they were getting paid so handsomely.

v  The concept of ‘ligging’ is explained in it’s entirety. It is essential to any rock ‘n’roll lifestyle. It gets you into parties, backstage at rock concert and lifts in limos. To succeed you must possess an unshakeable sense of entitlement – never ever entertain the possibility of failure and be instantly adaptable to any situation. Hilary’s greatest lig was getting into a pool party hosted by a very famous rock star (and no she won’t name and shame!). Not only that but Ms Westlake had a night of first – one of cocaine and congress in a pool – how very rock ‘n’ roll!

Hilary is first to point out that not all rock ‘n’ roll moments involve knobs – ‘there is always hitchhiking, jumping out of moving cars, sleeping in the streets, driving to a certain death in Mexico but surviving, the all nighters, the uppers and the downers….and where is it now?’ she exclaims!

Hilary Westlake

The last course is served and the audience is suitably impressed with yet more rocking out from Neil Butler. Last to take the stage is Al McCusker Thompson who is a lecturer at the UWS models himself on Marcel Duchamp who also described himself as a ‘breather’.  We are given a disclaimer before he begins about his foul language but hey – it’s rock ‘n’ roll after all. McCusker-Thompson also inform us has he hasn't had any sleep; he has decided to read his speech word for word. This reviewer will try to keep up but also has deduced will not be able to do it justice, so in the spirit of Al’s talk, what will be attempted here is a rough recreation of the statements made – in no particular order, with no huge degree of accuracy and with an air or internal monologue – here we go…

“Rock ‘n’ roll is a metaphor for fucking. ’60 Minute Man’ by the Dominoes was one of the first rock ‘n’ roll songs and extols the virtues of delayed ejaculation. Rock ‘n’ roll is fucking with people’s heads, fucking with authority, being too drunk to fuck and fucking up. Rock ‘n’ roll is about sensation. It is as mystical as a reverb that often drenches it’s musical form.  It is timeless, super smart and full of life – not young, dumb and full of come. The idea concept of rock ‘n’ roll is meaningful and life affirming. It is righteous without being self righteous and you can dance to it making it highly evolved. Intelligence alone will not make you cool. Intellectual intelligence is the chit chat of the soul. Albert Einstein who is kooky as fuck is cool, Stephen Fry who is smug as fuck isn't. Intelligence without attitude is like a simile without…well, you do the maths. Iggy Pop is brimming over with the spirit of Sanctus. He is a brilliant example of intelligence with attitude after his appearance on Tom Snyder’s show in 1980 – his performance was so possessed he unknowingly knocked out one of his front tooth caps. Unbeknownst to him when he sat down with the smarmy interviewer who asked ‘why are you bleeding?’ Iggy replied without dropping a beat (and rock ‘n’ roll is all about the beat) ‘Because I’m on your show.’ The Spirit of Sanctus of rock ‘n’ roll is a lifeforce beyond reason. Passion drives rock ‘n’ roll and it is moral and possesses moral integrity based on the desire for truth whether desirable or not. Rock ‘n’ roll’s transgressive nature means it bows to nothing and no-one in the face of what is true . David Bowie said ‘How can life become a point of view?’. Rock ‘n’ roll does not attempt to reduce life to a point of view. Many years ago I was at a dinner party in the once fashionable West End and Stuart Cosgrove stated ‘Glaswegians are the Cockney’s of the North – they think everybody loves them but everybody hates them.’ It bugged me for years and I was telling some guy in a pub about and he just said ‘Yeah but we don’t give a fuck.’ ROCK ‘N’ ROLL I’ll finish with the words of  Glasgow band The Amazing Snake heads and say ‘I kneel to no-one, I kneel to no-one but my sweet baby. So tell the man I’m coming up to take my glory.’”

Al McCusker-Thompson

Al McCusker-Thompson 2

Rock 'n' Roller 1

Rock 'n' Roller 3

Rock 'n' Roller 2

The audience and Al all exhale. Rock ‘n’ roll and the Ian Drury trilogy is over and what a time it has been.  The Cleikum Club will reoccur on April 4^{th 2013} with THE MEANING OF LIFE at Stravaigin on Gibson Street.

More photos are available to view online on Facebook fro the Cleikum Club

The Cleikum Club: ‘What is Radical?’ 3rd May 2012

Once again there is an air of anticipation in the basement restaurant of Stravaigin where forty people await the inauguration of the fourth meeting of the Cleikum Club. Amidst the chatter Neil Butler cuts through the blethers with several gongs of the Horn of Cleikum (if you recall – a genuine historical artefact rescued from the embers of the original Cleikum Inn in Peebleshire – now remember, it’s a genuine historical artefact) and introduces the topic of debate for the evening ‘What is Radical?’.  A topic which is seen to adopt a large number of guises and offer itself to a range of concepts, Butler rhymes off just a few ways it will be appearing in the evening’s programme  in the forms of radical song, radical love, radical ideas and a radical menu. Carol Wright is introduced as our free-radical hostess for the evening – as Neil points out - ever the non-conformist, Carol certainly embodies the resistance to acquiescence so abundant in free-radical thinking! 

Butler’s initial foray into investigating radicalism, he explains, led him first of all to the world of science and mathematics and although this evening was barely going to touch upon these subjects, the line of thinking was identical – the idea of extremes and ideas and notions as being ‘out there’. He goes on to illustrate his point by using the obvious example of the youth of the 1960s and 70s (of which he was one) thinking of themselves as the quintessence of radical. They explored radical art, had radical parties, produced radical ideas and followed radical politics. Neil touches upon a notion that proves to be a recurring one throughout the evening. A sense that being radical is very much of it’s time and what is thought of as radical at a certain time may not remain so at a later point. The concept of radicalism is a fluid and subjective one – something which is constantly changing and evolving – which would be why is lends itself so aptly to this hot-bed of discussion.

And so on with the meeting and our radical singer for the evening is Alistair Ogilvy (the first performer in the history of The Cleikum Club to make a second appearance) and he kicks off proceedings by introducing his first choice of song for the evening. In his initial preparations for the night, his mind immediately went to the musical juggernaut that is Woody Guthrie when thinking of radical and influential songwriters and their music; however he decided to go with a woman whose political views within her songs seem fundamental in setting the radical tone for the evening. ‘Where have all the flowers gone?’ encapsulates Joan Baez’s views which punctuated her seemingly radical nature and activism in politics in the 1960s and is beautifully reproduced by Alistair with his own radical twist in that he is accompanying himself on guitar which he rarely plays!

The first radical course of food is served – Red Clydeside Borscht with tolpuddle bread. The traditional Ukrainian peasant dish of borscht resonates with the Red Clydeside term included in the title in reference to the radical working class movement seen in Glasgow and surrounding areas between 1910 and the 1930s. One of the main priorities of this time was the campaign for safer and cleaner living conditions in the squalid slums of Glasgow’s tenements as well as it’s fierce militant opposition to Britain’s participation in World War 1. Visually stunning as well as deliciously topical, the borscht goes down a treat and we move swiftly on to Neil’s introduction of the first speaker and, of course, the traditional round-up of artefacts from the Museum of Cleikum.

Karen Lawson takes the stand as the Curator of Dangerous Ideas. She introduces the festival of the same name to take place across Scotland in mid June as a commemoration of how to change the way we see and think about education. Education as a whole is and should be a radical concept. And pushing this theory further, Lawson queries if schooling should be the be all and end all of how to teach children. She uses the example of the work of Michel Foucault in his publication ‘The Order of Things’ where he cites a Chinese encyclopaedia which lists the classification of the animal kingdom. Before explaining his theory fully, Lawson asks the audience to think about how we would classify animals in our own head. As grumblings and murmurs of ‘mammals’ and ‘amphibians’ are overheard throughout the room, the noise reaches a steady crescendo as Neil has to interject with the horn of Cleikum to bring order to the rabble once again. Lawson reveals the encyclopaedic definition from the source to contain ‘frenzied’, ‘belonging to the emperor’, ‘embalmed’, ‘tame’ and ‘sucking pigs’ to name but a few. What Foucault is illustrating is an opportunity to recognize the limitations of our own classificatory system by which we would not think of this alternative. This is integral in Lawson’s explanation of how we need to think of education differently as she explains that we are unable to think beyond what we know as the norm or outside of what we have already been educated in. The festival aims to promote using the best of what we do know and not what we don’t know – hence the radical concept embedded in the manifesto as the festival takes the opportunity to explore different ways of educating people by combining arts and education. Lawson is the ambassador for pushing boundaries in teaching and utilising more varied techniques in providing a well rounded education. This involves using not only people already in the education system but combining skills and innovators from every walk of life including business people and artists to fully explore different ways of enlightening. The festival will incorporate a number of events and activities to encourage people to view education differently including an auction where people will bid on dangerous ideas as well as philosophy cafes popping up in various locations to discuss ways of ideas to enforce radical change in teaching. The crux of Lawson’s idea is having the impotence to change things for the better and step away from the safety of convention and this, in itself, is radical.

Da Vinci’s seafood salad is next on the menu and appears most vitruvian in nature based only on its [pro]portion!  As it turns out – it proves to be most delicious and visually stunning piece of foodie architecture and an excellent platform to lead into Neil’s next introduction as he discusses when and how radical ideas move into the mainstream making them commonplace in society. The group are left to ponder the question as the evening moves on.

Donny O’Rourke takes the stage to talk about the radical concept of love and not just in the conventional sense. He begins his exploration by describing his lonely experience of voting earlier the same day and impressing upon the audience the privilege that voting represents - that men have died for this right and behaved in their own radical ways in order to secure it for future generations. He continues this political thread by uttering his dismay at the once radical Liberal party who have all but succumbed to the right wing manifesto by allowing the Conservatives an in when they should have stuck to their principles and pushed their own, independent agenda as far as possible. Afterall, O’Rourke points out, radicalism was created by the left as he exclaims to ‘challenge the right of the people who think they own everything and us’.  And it appears unfortunately that this is something the left are rapidly losing sight of. He urges us to be radical and see through the illusion of the modern politics of Clegg, Cameron and Murdoch and not confuse them as radical. Following on from this O’Rourke goes on to classify the two types of Socialists that exist – the ones who bring walls down and other who push people up against them.  Being a socialist is about love and consent and feeling free as ‘a man who possesses is a man possessed.’ As Robert Burns is quoted on his deathbed as saying ‘share it all’, Donny sanctions this heartfelt statement by adding ‘being rich is wrong.’ As the audience glimpses O’Rourke’s politically charged culmination, he ties the strands of all his previous statements with the smallest of phrases – ‘there is only love –there is nothing else’. He tells us to be radical by choosing love over hate and choosing life over death.  He states that Karl Marx told us that we know what to do in life, as did Jesus (whether we believe in him or not) in his Sermon on the Mount – it’s not as if we DON’T know what to do. And so as he promises this to be his last song of the evening he breaks into (in his own words he ‘breaks into song the way vandals break into churches.’) and gives a rousing rendition of ‘A man’s a man for a’ that’ thoroughly impassioning the audience as he cements his stamp as the ambassador of the radical notion of love in all contexts. 

Moving on to the star dish of the evening, the eager audience is presented with Uncle Ho’s Hanoi Stew. Initially a rebel resisting the French rule of his home province, Uncle Ho went on to become the President and Prime Minister of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam through his impassioned and revolutionary tactics. Warning the French as the prospect of war with the country loomed he exclaimed "You can kill 10 of my men for every one I kill of yours, yet even at those odds, you will lose and I will win." A true radical, nationalist and patriot, Ho retained his unbending and uncompromising political stance to unify his country despite the mounting threat from opposition and the enormous death toll of his countries’ soldiers and civilians. The evening, as enjoyable as it has been up to this point is running behind schedule and so we swiftly move onto the final course of the less-specific but none the less topical dessert of [the] Free Radical Fruit Pudding.

It is pertinent to mention here the clever timing of the end of the meal to welcome our last radical speaker’s subject of debate – cannibalism. Mr Ian Smith takes the podium and offers another way of perceiving the subject merely as radical cookery – much like the type the group as experienced this evening from the chefs at Stravaigin but we are assured that no humans were harmed in the making of our meals tonight. Iain begins with a brief history of cannibalism and it is soon apparent that there are many more dimensions to the argument than meets the eye (no pun intended). Smith begins his exploration by introducing  Jonathan Swift’s epic, satirical essay of 1729 ‘A Modest Proposal’, or, to give it its full title which hints a little more to its content; ‘A Modest Proposal for Preventing the Children of the Poor People from Being a Burthen to Their Parents, or the Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick’. Swift’s incredibly dense thesis encompasses his views of politics, religion and the economics at the time to produce a brilliant parody expressing his outrage at the Irish and English political policies of the era which kept the poor impoverished and the wealthy landowners rich. The well-meaning persona of the writer as an economist is rhetoric at its absolute best as his underlying benevolence for the situation directly contradicts the callous acts he is a proponent of.  Here we see the real question of morality surrounding cannibalism as it is so well justified by Swift – could Ian actually sway the audience into thinking the act morally permissible? Well we’ll see.  Medieval Scotland is where the cannibalistic journey begins with Sawney Bean and his cave-dwelling family who had a terrible habit of picking off hitch hikers and other individuals, killing them and devouring their remains in their coastal hideaway. Bean and his wife had several children and even grandchildren brought up in this existence not knowing any different. After several decades of committing these atrocities, the group were eventually apprehended by order of King James VI and taken to their execution. The men had their genitals, hands and feet removed and allowed to bleed to death as the women and children watched then they were promptly burned alive. Ian takes this opportunity to question what the younger generations of this family were thinking as they watched their fathers and brothers dying in front of them for an act that, according to them, was just a way of life. Morally permissible yet? The audience is unconvinced so far but Ian has more up his sleeve. He brings us up to date with one of the most recent recorded incidents of cannibalism cited in 1972 with the Andes Flight Disaster. In this case, after a plane crash in the mountains between Chile and Argentina, survivors were left with no choice but to eat the corpses of the dead passengers that had been preserved in the snow in order to survive.  Ian explains that the group didn’t come to this decision lightly, but after consuming all of their rations and hearing on their radio that the search parties had been called off, the bleak desperation of their situation became apparent and this was the only means by which they were going to survive. The moral twist to the tale comes when we learn that the entire group were devout Christians and so their decision to turn to cannibalism was made that bit more difficult (that’s if it could ever be an easy decision!) with the moral compass of religion looming over them. In the end they justified their decision reasoning that it is a mortal sin to commit suicide in the eyes of God and so they must use every tool at their disposal to ensure their survival. The question of religion brings an added dimension to the morality argument as Ian explains in the past, he has presented this talk to many audiences, one being a devout Catholic group in Portugal and he got away with it! He goes on to mention the concept of the radical theology employed by the Andes survivors as they were able to reconcile their cannibalism in religious terms. Ian then offers us the two distinctions between types of cannibalism. Endocannibalism refers to eating your relatives or tribe members as a mark of respect. Exocannibalism refers to the consumption of your enemies, sometimes to take on their powers. A radical idea indeed, cannibalism has many more aspects to it than initially thought. Ian’s explanation goes a long way to examining past practices and reasoning of this very taboo subject in an accessible and light hearted way as he round up his talk with a list of interesting recipes from various regions and people from around the world. As the Mongolians had a penchant for pickled ears, the early Chinese enjoyed a man pie and the Aztecs, never doing things by halves, liked to cook whole bodies with peppers and tomatoes. And so Ian vacates the podium to rapturous applause as the audience feels that bit more enlightened but also thankful that they had already finished their meal.

Neil is with us again to remind the audience of the next Cleikum Club meeting, breaking from tradition and taking place the following month on June 14^th. This will be the last meeting before taking a break for the summer months and we’re going out with a bang exploring ‘What is a dangerous idea?’ in association with the Festival of Dangerous Ideas taking place in mid-June.  

Alistair is introduced once more to conclude the evening with a ballad he explains that his mother doesn’t like him performing.  Going back to the radical notion of love, The Ballad of the Speaking Heart explores the perils of romance and a mother’s unconditional love for her child. The young, foolish man in the ballad would do anything his true love desires and unfortunately for his mother, she desires her heart. The boy slays his mother and in rushing to give the heart to the girl he falls and the heart hits the ground and says ‘are you hurt son? Are you hurt at all?’ Performed on a shruti box, the haunting bellows and Alistair’s beautiful voice heightens the emotion of the song and proves the radical notion of love once more. 

June 14^th  2012 is the date for the last Cleikum Club for this season with the topic of debate ‘What is a Dangerous Idea?’  We’ll be back later in the year with more fiery discussion and delicious food at Stravaigin Gibson Street in Glasgow.

The Cleikum Club: What is Scots? 1st March 2012

The Cleikum Club reconvened once again for its first meeting of 2012. With the most politically charged subject to date – not least because of its prevalence in current news and affairs – ‘What is Scots?’  was sure to bring out the passion and rapture in all who attended. Without breaking tradition, our co-host and master of ceremonies Neil Butler made the initial warm welcomes and introductions with the customary brandishing of the Hat and Horn of Cleikum to bring the room to order. But in a break from convention – an entirely new element to proceedings was introduced – an item so immersed in Scottish culture it could go some way to defining a nation – the deep fried mars bar was subjected to ritualistic sacrifice by Mr Butler and on this note, the meeting was inaugurated.

The Sacrifice of  the Deepfried Mars Bar

The group are left to ponder a personal question posed by Neil. He states he was born in England, brought up in Ireland and has been in Scotland since 1988 and so – is he Scottish? If not – will he ever be? We’ll come back to the answer at the end of the meeting.

Alistair Ogilvy

And so – first to present their offering of what exactly Scots is is Alistair Ogilvy, traditional Scottish singer with a penchant for the darkness found in Scottish folk songs. ‘Cruel Mother’ is introduced as a ballad of infanticide – and to Alistair, Scots is about sex, death and murder without even a hint of tartan or shortbread. The ballads of Scotland represent a preservation of culture that is both raw and unnerving and a move away from the twee, romantic illustration of the country coined by the roving, poetic Highlander wandering through the hills. Alistair’s Scotland is one of a number of dimensions and his lyrical portrayal set the tone for the diverse renditions in store for the rest of the evening.

Keith Bruce

Keith Bruce is introduced by Neil as our next speaker. As the Arts Editor of The Herald Newspaper, Keith brings his take on Scots in the theatrical sense with the tag line of ‘How big is my Scottish Art?’; a debate which has many sides but is answered simply as it is at its best when it is very small. Keith’s point is illustrated cannily by reference to the recent National Theatre of Scotland production of ‘An Appointment with the Wicker Man’ which, earlier this year, opened at His Majesty’s Theatre in Aberdeen. This seemed to be a revival of the work of theatre groups of the 1970s and 80s who, in a reaction against theatre being reserved for the people of Glasgow and Edinburgh, thought to bring Scottish productions to the smaller communities. The opening in a smaller town not even situated in the central belt proved a huge success despite it’s cynics as the production saw reviews from BBC Radio 3 and the Observer as the latter’s commentator asked  ‘could you see this happening anywhere else in Scotland?’ with the rhetorical answer being a firm ‘no’! What Keith is discussing is not a new concept of marketing in the Scottish Theatre scene as he goes on to explain a similar tact used in the 70s and 80s by the Wildcat and 7:84 Theatre companies. By touring small communities throughout Scotland bringing traditional Scottish music and relevant themes, productions like these proved the power and longevity of even the smallest Scottish theatrical productions like ‘The Cheviot, the Stag and the Black, Black Oil’ which also premiered in Aberdeen in 1973. Keith goes onto state that ‘Scotland does small things well’ yet there are examples of success in the opposite context namely the Edinburgh Fringe Festival – a completely organic idea which grew from nothing to one of the biggest and well-attended performing arts festivals in the world. Another great example of Scotland competing in the global arena is the unbridled success of The National Theatre of Scotland’s production of ‘Black Watch’. Premiering at the Edinburgh Festival in 2006 it also toured the smaller communities of Scotland like Pitlochry, Aberdeen, Dumfries and Dingwall  but through critical acclaim had gone on to tour Australia, North America and other European venues. And so there is something to Scotland keeping it’s art small, interesting and inevitably successful but every so often there is the breakthrough success that is undeniable in it’s international influence despite the countries mistrust of scale. The crux of what Keith is saying is that art companies in Scotland, by in large, should be small, mobile and highly intelligent units which brings us full circle to Mr Bruce’s opening question; ‘How big is my Scottish art?’ being cannily rephrased in his closing words to ‘Does my art look big in this country?’.

Not your typical Scotch Egg

As always, in keeping with the theme of discussion for the evening, a carefully devised menu is presented to all members. Beginning with the Scottish classic of cock-a-leekie soup, the proceeding dishes exceed expectations from their modest descriptions as the constituents of the group are presented with a not-so-ordinary scotch egg beautifully hand crafted by the Stravaigin chefs with soft, salty meat and the perfect soft-yoked quail’s egg hiding in the centre. There is a stir in the room as the members anticipate further discussion and a sense that all is not as it seems with regards to the fare to be consumed.

 Two courses down and it is time for a reprise from Alistair with his ongoing theme of the darkness found in the folk songs of Scotland. Special homage is paid to one Lizzy Higgins, a travelling woman  who is credited with preserving the Scottish ballad in its most authentic form, saving it from disappearing from the country’s culture once and for all. What Ali reinforces is his love of the antiquated language used in the ballads bringing beauty to even the most austere and bleak lyrics. Describing Ms Higgins as one of ‘the keepers of our music’, it is not a unfair claim to say that Alistair is one doing the same as he introduces Burns’ classic piece ‘Sic a Parcel of Rogues in a Nation’; a song which appears to have come full circle since the Act of Union of 1707 to present day as full independence for Scotland is looming once again.

Fish and Chips

The Cleikum Club guests are treated to more inspired food this time in the form of the fish supper – but not as you know it without a trace of soggy batter in sight. A beautifully crumbed fillet of coley, perfect oblong chips and a rough and ready tartar sauce topped with red amaranth - not your chip shop-typical fare I’m sure you’ll agree.What is Scots? Certainly full of ingenuity and the unexpected at this stage of proceedings.

Diane Torr

 Diane Torr takes the floor introduced by Neil on the risqué subject of the more exiled pieces of the great Robert Burns’ work. Born in Aberdeen, Torr moved to New York in 1976. Specifically the East Village – a cosmopolitan district – it was full of ex-pats like her and the question ‘what does it mean to be Scottish?’, distinctively, ‘what does it mean to be a Scottish woman?’ crossed her mind several times over the years. And so, in 1986, she decided to host her first Burns Supper – but this was no ordinary gathering – combined with a hen night, Torr and fifty other women gathered in a studio apartment on East 9^th Street and re-created their own brand of the traditional shindig.  Her friend Eileen piped in the haggis with a saxophone and the whole evening was very much ad libbed to combine traditional Scots custom in a modern American setting – as Torr says ‘Burns night in New York was all shop fronts, theatres and loft apartments’. This untraditional yet loyal Burns supper carried on for several years and then her friend Fiona Templeton informed her of Burns’ ‘bawdy’ verse collection ‘The Merry Muses of Caledonia’ and Torr was hooked. Banned in America until 1964 when the Obscene publications Act of 1959 came into effect - she found a copy of the book in The Globe Bookshop in Massachusetts and discovered a side to Robert Burns she never knew existed as his reputation of being a bit of a ladies man took on an entirely new dimension. As she explains – men in the 18^th Century obtained sexual release through bawdy songs and poetry as a way of expressing the male idea of a woman and as a way of humouring each other. It almost took on a competitive edge as men in groups would try to out-do each other in their suggestiveness but in an intellectual and clever way through song and verse. With the works of Robert Burns’ regularly used as the obvious example of Scots as a whole - these explicit verses go a long way to showing another aspect of his writing in the same way that Torr and her friends explored with the alternative Burns’ Supper.  Torr’s take on Burns’ houghmagandie is exotic and exhibits his more raunchy verse in such a way as to banish any preconceived stereotype of this great writer. Comparing the verse of ‘Twa Wives’ and ‘Nine Inches will Please a Lady’ is a far cry from ‘Ae Fond Kiss’ and ‘My Luve is like a Red Red Rose’ and so his bawdry became a regular feature of the New York Burns Suppers as 1992 saw Torr perform ‘A Standing Cock has Nae Conscience’ to great revere. What is important to recognise is that it is largely inconsequential how groups around the world celebrate Burns as long as they do it in a way that makes them feel a connection to Scotland and Scots and Robert Burns the man could conceivably be a definition of Scots in himself.

Jeely Piece

We come to the final course of the meal as the members are presented with a jeely piece. One of the great Scots words; ‘piece’ has such a variety of meanings – but in this context – it is a battered jam sandwich exuding charm and oozing with nostalgia.

Alan Bissett

We then come to our final speaker of the evening. One whom requires almost no introduction from Mr Butler – Alan Bissett takes the podium to recite ‘Vote Britain’- his ‘contribution to the debate on Scottish independence’. A barrage of words and terms so synonymously linked to the tenuous struggle for and against independence for this small country – it almost perfectly rounds up the views and opinions of all the previous performers of the evening. The line; ‘That’s why we send you over the top with your och-aye-the-noo Mactivish there’s been a murrrderrr jings! crivvens! Deepfriedfuckinmarsbar wee wee dram of whisky hoots mon there’s a moose loose aboot this smackaddict’ resonates throughout the room as we recall Ali’s idea of banishing the Scottish stereotype – one remembers the sacrifice of the deepfried Mars bar in the opening introductory words – us Scots are nothing but self deprecating and the irony tickles everyone in the room. Bissett goes on to further illustrate Keith Bruce’s fundamental argument with the verse: ‘London London London most exciting city in the world darling (Glasgow is a very violent place, is it not. Do you have art?)’ to further titters in the audience. Bissett makes a good point and certainly stirs a passion in the members reaching a crescendo with the closing: ‘There is some corner of a foreign field that is forever England.’ Vote with your heart.’ And with that – Bissett exits the podium to rapturous applause as his words stay with the captive audience descending into a deluge of chatter and debate to their neighbours.

The floor is opened up to general comment and opinion to all members now as Mr Butler rounds up the evening and deliberation continues throughout the room both within small groups as well as all-encompassing addresses to the whole party. It is plain that all speakers have inspired in one way or another but it is very apparent that the club has merely scratched the surface in defining what Scots is as the open forum continues further into the night. There is one interruption from Neil to ascertain the answer to his question from the beginning of the evening: ‘Am I Scottish?’. A myriad of answers are put forward with Neil eventually being asked ‘Well, do you want to be Scottish?’, Butler replies ‘Yes’ and so the decision is made – he is!

 The next Cleikum Club will occur on Thursday May 3^rd at Stravaigin Gibson Street with the question 'What is Radical?'. We hope to see plenty of familiar faces and if you haven’t attended before – make this your first time! Phone Stravaigin Gibson Street 0141 334 2665